Past Lives: Silence as Dialogue

Originally Written: July 19, 2023

This spoils the film “Past Lives.” I highly recommend seeing it for yourself first. If you’ve seen it and need a refresher, here is the summary.

Source: IMDB

Yesterday I went to see Past Lives, a film written and directed by Celine Song. My girlfriend recommended to see the film after a handful of her friends reported that it was great movie. I was on the fence — we didn’t do movie dates in the past as it meant two hours of no conversation. She followed up with, “One of my friends cried.” I’m all in now.

The film was an absolute delight to watch. Both Celine’s attention to detail in dialogue, setting, and cinematography as well as her skillful decisions to omit information crafted realistic relationships that the audience could easily empathize with. I can go on about the details and thought she put into her directing, but today I want to highlight one device that I think was used masterfully. This device being silence as dialogue.

Humans are gifted at playing the game of ‘fill in the blanks’ when it comes to social situations. We confidently assert how others may respond if we say something. Sometimes it is due to wanting to be liked other times it is the fear of hurting others. As a result, we develop a conversational filter to mold our words to fit into what we believe is a right response. In the film, The characters Nora and Hae Sung have a deep and fateful love for each other, but due several circumstances (Hae Sung lives and works in Korea, Nora has an ambitious career, and oh… she’s married), they fear that declaring their love or responding with pure vulnerability would spin their lives into chaos. Yes, this story has been told before many times and the ideas of filters in writing dialogue is writing 101, but what Celine expertly does is combining the audiences tendency to ‘fill in the blanks’ in conjunction to the character filters.

Although there so many great examples I can use, I’ll use three scenes to give a good range of how she used this technique. I used a streaming site with a CAM upload to get the accurate dialogue and timings.

🎬 SCENE 1: Before leaving to New York to see Nora
Hae Sung and his three chingus are at a Korean barbecue drinking and eating.

Friend 1: Why are you going to New York?
Hae Sung: Vacation. Rest. Enjoy. Have Fun…
Friend 2: You’re not going there to see that girl, right?
Hae Sung: Who?
Friend 1: Why are you pretending not to know who I’m talking about… Your first love. I thought she lived there. You gonna see her now that you broke up with your girlfriend?
Hae Sung: You think I’m nuts? She’s married. (chuckles)
Friend 2: Really?

The friends look at him intently, Hae Sung’s smile fades away

Hae Sung: I think it’s been about 7 years
Friend 1: She married early
Friend 3: You poor bastard…

Silence (3 seconds)

Hae Sung: What?
Friend 3: … It’s raining the entire time you’re there. Severe thunderstorm.

Laughter from the three friends ensues. Hae Sung does not participate, he looks forlorn and slightly annoyed.

<aside> 🎬 SCENE 1: Before leaving to New York to see Nora

</aside>

Here, through the context of the conversation and the expression of Hae Sung, the audience may have a few answers for what friend 3 would end with after the phrase, “You poor bastard.” One plausible follow up could be “ … she’s married and you are still going to see her.” Hae Sung’s melancholic expression proves he is thinking the same as us. He’s not upset because it’s going to rain there during his duration. He is upset due to the reality his friends have pushed into the forefront: Their relationship is hopeless. This subverting of expectations was also a clever way to slip in a pretty funny joke while further unveiling Hae Sung’s motivations for seeing Nora. Nice two in one.

🎬 SCENE 2: First day meeting Nora

Hae Sung and Nora are on a walk in a park. They chat about some stuff

Nora: Before I got married … I went to Korea with my husband.
Hae Sung: I know.
Nora: I emailed you but you didn’t respond. I wanted to see you. I was disappointed.

Silence (6 seconds)

Hae Sung: Sorry

This conversation occurs on the first day they meet. During the silence we know deep down that he didn’t respond because he couldn’t take seeing her with her husband. Because he was the first to look for her after 12 years and flies to New York after another 12 years we can assume he was hurt and it took him time to heal. “I was hurt so I couldn’t bring myself to see you and your husband” is one answer we fill in the blank with. However, after those 6 seconds all he could muster up was “Sorry.” Don’t blame the poor guy.

🎬 SCENE 3: Climax of the scene

Since there is so little dialogue here, I’ll just describe it like this:

Hae Sung just finished meeting Nora and her husband and is going to catch the Uber. He’s going back to Korea — who knows if they’ll meet again. Nora offers to see him to the Uber. The two walk to the place of pickup. This walk and silence lasts 2 minutes (1:31:54 - 1:33:05) redolent of the walk 24 years ago when Nora immigrated to Canada which was 1 minute long (7:17 - 8:09). Even though the walk they had when they were children was technically longer as there were cuts in between, the director chooses to give us one uncut walk for the final goodbye, further cementing the longing pain the two felt during it. They’re older now. They’re mature. It hurts more.

Once they arrived, Nora asks “Will it be here soon”? Hae Sung replies with “2 minutes”

What follows is what I believe is the most heartbreaking scene of the entire film. The two stand there silently looking at each other for over a minute (1:33:16 - 1:34:29). Nora periodically forces some smiles. Body languages that once showed that they were waiting for an Uber now exude the image of deep conversation, they are squarely facing each other with unwavering eye contact. However, nothing is said. The Uber comes, they hug, Hae Sung goes towards the Uber, drops off his bag, and in a calm almost joyful tone asks, “What if this is a past life as well, and we are already something else to each other in our next life?”

Cue tears. Damn.

The only dialogue in the three minutes of silence is the back and forth about the Uber, making a couple minutes feel like an eternity. For the entire duration, the actors perfectly portray the look of beginning to say something. (sort of like how you took out your earphones for that person at the gym because they looked like they were gonna ask you how many sets you have left but turns out nope!) This gives us the perfect mental ecosystem to start filling in the blanks. What do we conjure up in that eternal minute? He’s going to tell her she loves her. She’s going to tell him he’ll run away to Korea with him. There is so much heightened emotion that we feel for them. Surely this time all the thoughts, feelings, and words blocked by the wall built by their circumstances will crumble and the vulnerability shall flow. Wrong. Instead, what we get is the next line from Hae Sung about the chance of being together in the next life.

What sounds to be hopeful is truly just acceptance.

Where other films use silence to build tension and prompt audiences to ask, “What will they say next?”, Past Lives pushes us to build the dialogue to strengthen the emotional conflict and themes in the film. Where other romance films give characters the opportunity to cry out and expel their high levels of emotion, Past Lives conceals these behind tacit micro expressions and body gestures. Somehow through absence, Celine Song helps us empathize.

Other thoughts

• This film evoked memories of 'La La Land', particularly in the way it shatters our hearts. However, unlike 'La La Land', which offers a bittersweet epilogue that lets us imagine 'what could have been', thereby giving a sense of closure, 'Past Lives' adopts a more blunt approach. It dismisses the notion of alternate possibilities or hopeful endings, starkly confronting us with the reality that there is no 'what could have been' or 'what might be' in this narrative.

• I enjoyed the score by Christopher Bear and Daniel Rossen. I especially loved this during the scene where we see Hae Sung fly to New York, arrive at his hotel room, smoke outside, and eat a sandwich, all leading up to him finally being able to meet Nora. Roughly in these 4 minutes, there is no dialogue and just beautiful framing of Hae Sung in the alien environment, New York. The score pushes us to be more intimate with him and ask, “How is he feeling about meeting Nora? What is he thinking?”

• I loved how self aware Arthur is when he says how great of a story Hae Sung and Nora have when he has such a mundane one with her.

• I wish more was shown during the Skype calls to convince me it wasn’t just infatuation but a true love tied with fate.